I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
