i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize