I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
