Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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