i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
