Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
