i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize