Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
