i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
