i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
