You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
