I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
