i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
