do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
