She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
