i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
