This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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