did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
