Where is the hickey?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize