You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
