their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
