I can tuck mytits in my pants
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize