booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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