she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
