I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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