You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
