after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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