I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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