Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
