Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
