I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
