After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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