Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize