it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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