After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
