I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We left an ass print on the piano.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
