And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
