Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
