According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
