I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
