Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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