We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
