I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
