we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
