grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize