My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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