pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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