I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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