He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
