Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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