Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
