I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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