While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize