im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
