Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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