Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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