no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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