Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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