its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
