she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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