Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
