Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
