why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize