Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
