I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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