Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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